Filthy Rags Ministry,
We know that we are from God,
and the whole world lies in the power of the evil one.
1 John 5:19.
At 61, I am substantially different person than I was at 21. I have grown, matured and changed. My transformation, long in coming, was surprising even to me, but it was a welcome, refreshing, and desirable progression.
Ten (10) years ago, when my daughter was 13 years old, she asked permission to attend Bible camp to "find God" for our family. She attended Bible camp and was saved as a born again Christian.
I made a paradigm shift to become a Christian to have a closer connection with my daughter, I applied myself to the studying the Bible. I did not want to become a Christian, so I searched for a flaw, a contridiction, or a lie in the Bible. I could find none, so I had a long conversation with God resulting in my commitment to Him.
The past ten (10) years of my life have been peaceful, a wonderful blessing. Every week I normally attend a church service, and at least one (1) Bible study. I practice a strict discipline of daily prayers and Bible readings.
Though my daughter doesn't claim any credit for my paradigm shift to me becoming a Christian, if not for her I would never have looked in the direction of Christianity to better my life and my family relationships. My daughter and I love each other and have a fantastic relationship.
As an aside, my daughter suffers from being my daughter. She is bullied, ostracized or ridiculed because of me. All through school she suffered cruelty from the other children and their parents because a convicted murderer was her father. She received this same type of treatment from neighbors, also. She doesn't need to part of my public process. She already suffers from Asian racial discrimination. She doesn't need to carry the weight of her fathers multiple murders. She has suffered enough being my daughter.
I eviscerated and eradicated my corrupt criminal lifestyle by committing to a scripturally sound value system. I am no longer the young criminal of 40 years ago. I will always and forever carry the responsibility, guilt and shame of the criminal carnage I perpetrated on my victims and their families. My guilt and shame have become the anchor and the impetus of my commitment to the community to put meaningful purpose into being a strong victims' advocate.
I am an old man in the twilight of my years. I have been successfully married for almost thirty (30) years, and I enjoy a wonderful relationship with my wife. My daughter will soon be 24 years old. Having a family for all these years in a difficult prison environment taught me love, family and commitments at a level most free-people can't appreciate. I don't know anyone in the free-world who has been married 30 years. My wife and daughter had the presence and patience to help me grow immensely as a person so I better understand the depth of the pain I inflicted by my crimes. They have, also, taught me that I am not the same person who committed the heinous crimes of my convictions over 40 years ago.
My current days are filled with taking care of others, staff or prisoners, in any capacity they need me. I believe in the value of every human encounter as an important life changing event, and it is crucial to leave each person in a better place than I found them by provoking thought, stimulating their senses, or engaging their spirit.
I am happy with my family and the man I have become in these most difficult circumstances in this extremely challenging environment.
I am no longer a ruthless criminal with no family and no respect for the dignity of humanity. I no longer inflict pain on innocent human beings to further a morally corrupt interpretation of life. I have spent a lifetime eradicating the filth that contaminated my rotten soul.
I am a husband and a father. I am a person, a human being. I am a citizen. I have become a viable positive contributing member of my community within the inhumane warehouse of the despondent, disenfranchised, and the mentally challenged.
Though being an Asian half-breed in prison today continues to cause a tremendous amount of challenges, I have overcome the racism of being denigrated or marginalized by providing positive human services on an individual basis.
I am a peacemaker and mediator for all the gangs. I raise the awareness of those around me of the evolving issues of diversity. Where families, communities, the church, and society have given up on their young men by sending them to me in prison, I have guided them away from drugs, crime, and gangs, and directed them to the church and education. Where families have failed, I have instilled in your children an important foundation of family values. I have received with open arms your lost, broken, abandoned and abused children, who represent the future of society, and given them tools of hope for a successful future in the free-world.
I love you, Brother. Thank you for helping me.
Grace, mercy and peace.