Filthy Rags,
If the world hates you,
know that it hated Me
before it hated you.
If you were of the world,
the world would love you as its own
but because you are not of the world,
but I chose you out of the world,
therefore the world hates you.
John 15:18-19.
Thank you for allowing me to finish part of my thoughts. I am not always accurate in my immediate assessment of a particular situation. I need to work through my many emotions by writing. These writings are genuine real emotional responses. Writing serves as a relatively harmless physical response while doing self-analysis. These genuine emotional perspectives possess the basis of truth in my soul. I need to see them in writing, and review them, to determine if I should pursue them. I would imagine, to the average uninformed individual, these rantings may appear to be some form of uncontrolled histrionics. However, they are quite the obverse. They are surgical in emotional perspective which may not be the most propitious approach but the emotional self must be adequately dealt with prior to the implementation of a comprehensive solution. Verbally airing out grievances on paper is an extremely effective tool for stress management. We must determine the desirable resolution and a competent approach by scrutinizing the entire field of options. We should not be left to an abbreviated spectrum of options. Emotions are an integral, if not inimical, part of the equation. It also helps fight through depression, anger and a sense of helplessness. I find it is extraordinarily important to take pain and mold it into purpose. I have really taken ahold of the racism factor for several different reasons. My co-defendant was white who, as the shooter received less prison time than I did. All the victims were white. The judge was white, so was the prosecutor, and my assign defense counsel. I was the only non-white, a half-breed, of Asian descent. Now this begs the question, "How did I end up with more time than the shooter, if not by racism?" I don't possess any intelligent answer for this question. I am not one to see shadows, and I consider myself fairly intelligent. I don't possess a reasonable subjective answer. Objectively, I see no legitimate answer, except racism. Exercising my right to a jury trial, they acquitted me of premeditated murder. My co-defendant pled guilty to premeditated murder. I received more time. So, then we get to the question, "If not racism, then what?"
Many times life reveals the true nature of the individuals we have chosen to surround ourselves. Most of the time we are wrong in our assessment of their character. Then we become confused and disappointed. I'll give you an example. Recently, when I put together my parole hearing packet by asking everyone, including family, to write letters of support. To my shock and dismay, my family didn't write anything, and my closest friends didn't write anything, and most of the people who said they would write letters didn't write anything. The majority of my support came from people I knew the least and I had no expectations. I did not see this coming. People, family and friends, I had supported over the years, for whatever cause they represented, I was there for them. They abandoned me. Then they acted interested in the outcome. They are a bunch of fake plastic people. Pit of vipers. I have no use for them or their shallow, empty personalities. I had total strangers coming to support me, and even my enemies came to aid in my cause. My enemy's enemy is my friend. Family and "friends" were no where to be found. At first I was crushed by the devastation of betrayal and abandonment, but soon I realized, their failure to act to support me was NOT my fault. It was a flaw in their character. Them being fake is not my problem. My failure was not scrutinizing their character sooner, before befriending them or accepting them as family. If I had closely examined them, prior to the expectation of them acting as family or entering into a friendship, it would have been clearly revealed that their character was foul, slimy and vile. We did the right thing by accepting people at face value. The only expectations we had of them was their promises to perform at a particular level. Had it not been for their assurances of performance, then we would have had no expectations of them. Their promises, their "word", is not trustworthy. We believed they were loyal and trustworthy, but most play a game of manipulation and deception to take advantage of an easygoing human nature. We must guard against those who seek to creep in and drain us of the positive progressive energy we possess, and of which they are attracted. Many times we are too kind, which leaves us vulnerable to abuse. Just remember continue to be who you are and stay strong in what you represent. Don't let others dictate your life or your happiness. Move forward from those holding you back. Once you discover the flaw in their character, then it is time to cut and run. Don't let those who possess a undesirable character become an anchor in your life. Let them be the reason, the impetus to push forward, upward and away from them to greener pastures in the land of milk and honey. You are a great person and a great friend, don't squander your soul on those who don't appreciate you in the manner consistent with your expectations. At the end of the day we have the power to choose those who can hurt us or cause us pain. This means we have the power of choice to not allow them in our lives to be disruptive or destructive. We have to make the hard choice, and then be serious about implementing decisions consistent with our choice to not engage or entertain those deadbeat "friends" and family. Let us free ourselves of the deadwood that holds us back from being happy and progressive.
I love all of you.
Stay positive and stay focused.
Grace, mercy and peace.
SCOTT.