Filthy Rags Ministry,
We know that we are from God,
and the whole world lies in the power of the evil one.
1 John 5:19.
Please don't be upset about my situation. I came to this position in life for us to become friends. So all is not lost. Life, love and friendships are not accidents. Though I focus on the many intricate facets of my immediate geographic physical location, I share intimacies of my personal existence mostly to enhance your understanding of the beautiful and fabulous life and future you possess. Let us not squander the small window of existence in this world on fruitless endeavors of hatred or envy. I love you, Brother.
My first order of business is to accomplish the original goal sought in preparation of the jackleg kangaroo hearing (a term of endearment for the parole board). Putting purpose to the pain, more than anything else I wanted to make a formal, official and public apology to the victims and their families for the crimes I committed.
I understand the parole board's stalwart interference of my ability to perform this necessary healing function. They don't want my apology to be seen or accepted as it would negate, if not terminate, their power to continuously pick at the scab from the festering wound which is the limited purpose of their existence.
I am not allowed to contact the victims of my crimes or their families. I do NOT have a formal court order preventing me from contacting them. I believe there is some esoteric unwritten (maybe written) rule, but moreover, I respect the privacy of the victims' pain to always avoid any direct contact. I have nothing to personally gain from the apology as my parole hearing is long behind me, and the apology is not for appearance purposes. How ugly is apologizing for multiple murders? Nothing remotely attractive there.
So the logistics of contact in delivering the apology is left to organizations or activists. There are organized groups of victim advocates which would probably resist acceptance of the apology to promote their own personal agendas, but we are not about acceptance. We about delivery. Acceptance is not my bailiwick.
So to put it where you have access to disseminate as needed, the following has been made available to you. Feel free to saturate at will.
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I am sending you this letter as an actual and specific apology for the violence I inflicted on you and your family, and for each moment in your lifetime it replays itself.
I am extremely sorry for each person murdered, each person assaulted, and the other persons, including families, victimized by the murders, assaults and the robbery that I was involved. I am deeply sorry for all the senseless pain I needlessly inflicted upon you as a surviving victim, and the families of all the victims, for destroying your love, your peace, your security, and for injecting my despicable self as a tragic chapter in your life and family heritage.
I accept full personal responsibility for all acts and omissions during the commission of the crimes on that tragic and horrendous night. My memories haunt me. I implore you to hold me totally accountable. There are no reasons nor excuses for the heinous, atrocious and inhumane acts I committed.
I am very, very sorry. It took me a long time to get it. Now I get it. Please forgive me.
I will not dishonor you, or the other victims, by mentioning your cherished and precious names. I have forfeited any right, or entitlement, to speak the names of the honorable and innocent victims of my senseless and irrational crimes. My filthy mouth and soul are beneath a whisper of your revered names, beneath a modicum of human dignity.
I have no expectations of forgiveness, acceptance of this apology, nor understanding of its motivation. My prayer is that this long overdue apology plays some role, however insignificant, in your healing process. This is not an excuse to justify my actions, nor a ruse for a bid to release from prison. This apology is not attached to any other document. It stands alone as a sincere and genuine apology.
Moreover, I am sorry for disrupting the peace and security of the neighborhood, the community, and society at large for my devastating actions of violent crime.
Finally, I am sorry, for I am a coward, and did not apologize sooner to help begin your healing process. I cannot even begin to understand your pain. I am so sorry.
May our Lord and Savior bless you and yours with His mercy through His comfort and healing, so you can persevere through your trials and tribulations, to have a closer relationship with Him.
Humbly in prayer,
Scott C. Smith
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This is NOT a private apology. It is a public apology. I bare my soul not in private, but to the public. My apology is NOT secret. I just want it out. Advice, suggestions, ideas? My apology to the victims, their families, and to the public was my primary purpose in attending the parole hearing.
May our Lord and Savior bless you and yours with the ability to be restored to His likeness.
Grace, mercy and peace.
SCOTT.